You Don’t Have To Settle For Second Best!

Addressing dementia…being there even when nobody (up there ‘mentally’) is there. 

This is a painful topic, but an increasingly present challenge to us nowadays.

‘A friend sticks closer than a brother’, they say. Why is that so? If we think deeper about it, there are some commonsense things that stick out. Firstly, there are no biological ties. Secondly, you normally don’t live with your friend so you don’t know fully all their little idiosyncrasies that could drive others crazy. Thirdly, there is not so much financial ‘betting’ going on. There are many other reasons, but these can suffice.

When you live with someone, like your spouse or close family member, you get to know pretty much ‘how they tick’. You know their likes and dislikes, their passions and their frustrations and everything in between.

Spouses who have had their children marry and ‘flown the nest’ find that they have more time on their hands for other things and more time to spend with each other – that is if they are not saddled with grandchildren.

As nature has cycles, so too does man’s life. Being an empty nester, i.e. when a couple is once more alone with each other, the biggest challenge is waning health. As the body gets frail, so too does the mind. Muscles sag and memory fails. Everything seems to go on a ‘go slow’ mode. Then dependence on devices, equipment and other people kicks in. As we approach the grave stage, it is like we go full circle to the cradle stage. This is not so pronounced; it just creeps up on a person.

Dementia is the dreaded ‘D’ word. It frustrates the sufferer, the family and the people close to the person.  How do you handle this phase? To say that it can be overwhelming, is an understatement. It cuts right to the bone. In some cultures, the elderly are seen as too frail and are put into aged care facilities, where they proceed to nursing homes and hospice before they transcend this earth.

One of the saddest sights you might encounter is lonely people who feel abandoned by their family, especially if they have dementia. What their heart cries out for is a friend – some human comfort. Someone to share a laugh with, even though they cannot remember your name or who you are to them. Their eyes, which are the windows to their souls, tell a glaring picture.

The inevitable thing of ageing is we forget things, names and even people. So how do people respond to this? Someone said, ‘look at the size of the windscreen and then look at the size of the rear view mirror. Why spend so much time looking at the past through the rear view mirror when the windscreen in front of you offers so much more experiences to be embraced? How true!

When your loved one gets old and frail and the memory fades into the dark night, the best they can wish for is to have someone be a Friend to them and hold their quivering hand as they advance that distant shore.

Human comfort is not found through electronic channels but by warm hands, gently clasped together in understanding and acceptance.

The song, ‘What a Friend we have in Jesus’ encapsulates the subject of this title.

Scripture guides and encourages us thus, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs‬ ‭18:24‬ ‭NKJV‬‬.

The Gospel of Matthew ends with these words: “And lo I am with you always, even until the end of the world. Amen.” Matthew 28:20. (KJV) What a blessed reassurance!◊

Linda Pearl