People who live with constant criticism develop a feeling of condemnation. This is like a heavy burden upon your shoulder and you go about your day and your life wearing that stamp upon your body. It’s like an ugly tattoo. People see it and go, ‘uh!’ when you grow up being condemned by those who are closest to you, those who are meant to love and support you, it is very hard to shrug it off.
A person who has been condemned by the courts of law always puts their head down. You see them carry that condemnation on their physical body. They don’t make face contact, they hide from others, their shoulders are drooped, their walk has no spring in it, their face is crestfallen and their eyes reflect the sadness and pain in their heart. I knew a person who felt so rejected that his lower lip sagged so badly and people would stop and ask what was the matter with him. He eventually died of a broken heart.
I lived in the country towns when my children were very young. We were so privileged to watch the birth of a calf in the paddock next to our house. It was an indescribable wonder of nature. The cow did not need a midwife by her side at all. As she cleaned up her newborn calf, it stumbled several times upon the soft earth until it was strong enough to shakily stand, but very close to its mother. What a marvel!
We humans are very much like that calf; we need that love, warmth and protection from our parents and care givers until we are strong enough to stand firmly on our own. In today’s fragmented society the lament of most broken hearted people is the lack of support they get from those whom they rely on. The catch word ‘busy’ is now probably the most over-used word. It’s as though for those who are not busy, there must be something wrong with them. Last night I heard on the news the word ‘phubbing’ which is in essence is the habit of being so consumed with your phone in social settings that you actually ignore those around you. What has happened to face-to-face interactions?
There is a beautiful song that really fills the void in people’s heart. The words go like this: ‘everyone needs compassion, love that’s never failing…’ There is nothing we can do to change the past and it is useless living in the present fretting about the future. We need to fill that void, whatever it is, right now in the present. Each one of us is allocated a set number of hours in the day, irrespective of how stately we are or how humble a position we occupy in life. That daily bank of time is depleted at the end of each day, never to return again.
So, be kind to yourself and take time out. Ask yourself, “Am I cramping my life by being so busy just to fill the void in my life?” Are you guilty as condemned by my loved ones? You don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You don’t need to be that ‘Mr. Fix-it’ or the ‘walking encyclopedia’ for everyone in order to get recognition and acceptance. You just need to be you. But if you are like so many of us who are condemned all or most of the time, especially by those closest to us, you cannot be the real you. You need something more, something that will not fail or someone who will not criticize you. This is my perspective on it. ♦
My key resource: Romans 8:1-3 … ‘no longer be condemned…’
Compassion song lyrics: Mighty to Save
Linda Pearl
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